My cousin Sally in Kansas recently told me this. "Your like a cross between the village idiot and the bum on the street, you have both of those characteristics mastered. I know that I told you when we were young, that you may hit someday? I gotta be honest with you. I wish I would have never said that to you. You should have just got a job shoveling shit back in Kansas, but since it's to late for that now. Stick with it, Maybe? One of these days the right guy will pay attention. I don't thinks so, but do what makes ya happy." Cousin Sally can be a hard pill to swallow, but every now and than she shows her soft side. "Oh one last thing before I let you go, I've got a new nickname for you..Boy Wonder..Yeah, Boy fucking Wonder. That's you." Sally began laughing hysterically over the phone, so I told her this.."A comedian is never supposed to laugh at his own jokes." Her reply? "OK..Mr. Comedian..Remember? I've seen you on stage..I don't need any advice from you, not about comedy anyways." A long time ago I wanted to be a stand-up comedian, never got very far with it. Why? Basically, no talent. After Sally hung up? I started thinking about her new nickname for me..Boy Wonder..Oh well, she's my cousin Sally, and I love her..
My favorite Mark Wahlberg fan came into the store today..Oh Lord..Well, anyways she makes her way through the line, we exchange pleasantries and she than tells me this. "Did you know Mark Wahlberg was going to join his brother Donnie in New Kids On The Block, but he ended up passing so he could form the Funky Bunch." When she told me that, I knew that she had been doing her homework. I would guess this girl was in kindergarten when New Kids On The Block was big. Of course I knew that, but I had to play dumb on this. After all, this girl looks like a fricking Victoria Secrets' model. So I told her this. "Oh come on..Your making that up. You can't even name one song New Kids on The Block sings." She than looks at me like she is sort of angry and sort of happy and says. "I thought you were Mark Wahlbergs #1 fan, everyone knows he almost became a NKOTB. I read it in his biography. DuHHH." After she was done talking I just smiled and said.."I didn't have a clue:) I tell you what, why don't we meet for a drink and discuss our favorite thespians work?" I'd already hit on her once and she said no, but I'm persistent, and again you never know if you don't ask..Even multiple times..Anyways, she looks at me and says:
"How old are you?" I told her 41. She then asked me how old I thought she was. I guess the only word I can use to describe her, since I'm old, is younger. How much younger? "I would guess..uhh..uhh your a nice young lady..uhh..uhh..I'm going to say 28." She was a lot younger than 28, but I was kind of wishing she was that.."I'm 22 years old, your cute and everything, and I like my guys a little older, but come on! Your almost as old as my dad..But if you'd like, I can introduce you to my mother. She's single." A simple no would have sufficed, but then again? I like the blatant honesty a lot of theses Vegas/California girls possess.
When she first told me that Mark Wahlberg was her favorite actor? My immediate thoughts were that she could be a candidate for the third great one..Don't look like it's gonna happen..Well, after she leaves, I start thinking to myself AGAIN..."It's a good thing persistence is your best attribute, don't sweat the small stuff..One of these days your going to meet that third great one..Maybe?"
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